Inclusion & Belonging: Your role as a Champion

I have been really fortunate in the friends and colleagues who have believed in me and helped me learn and grow. I also make a point of trying to help others anyway I can. My colleague and friend and totally appropriate supershero crush Kim Hatchett is the person who comes to mind who is a quintessential champion (with tons of inspiration from Halleemah Nash, love you amazing lady!). A couple years ago I was producing a women’s conference in Dallas. We wanted to land on a big call to action for our participants—that they mentor. Kim, on the board of iMentor, walks the talk in helping people be their best selves. iMentor believes that every student deserves a champion. Of course, what makes a Kim so special is she doesn’t stop there. She mentors people at work, she is involved with the Lower East Side Girls Club. I could go on and on and frankly Kim goes and goes (think selfless energizer bunny, but with a big brain, grace, chic shoes and a suede skirt) to champion people and believe in them even when they don’t believe in themselves. Kim rises while lifting others (her advice to people about how to make a difference in people’s lives.)

Being a champion is also the core responsibility in the (made up by me) parent job description. Recently my 9 year old son finally gained confidence as he got better on his bicycle. But it wasn’t always this way. He just learned last year how to ride a bike. And he was not interested in learning and getting better. Over Memorial Day weekend, I pulled him away from his video game and strongly encouraged (insisted) he get out there and try. He resisted big time. “But why mom? Why do I have to know how to ride a bike well? What is the point?” I decided not to get into a philosophical debate about the why (very unlike me, but hey, I knew it was not going to work plus we had a limited window of nice weather so....). So I said these two things. First, I said, “Harry, it’s in the parent manual somewhere that I have to send you out into the world knowing how to do this, so this is just me being an awesome mom and rocking it.” I also said (more importantly) “I know you’re nervous and scared and feel like you can’t do it. It might not be easy, but it will happen. Sometimes you need me to believe in you even if you don’t believe in yourself. I know you can do it. So make it happen”. (Rolls eyes, groans “fine!” and proceeds to get up and moving. Win!) Shoot to the punchline. I was totally right. It took a couple of tries and then he gained confidence and skills and is riding that bike and feeling awesome. Told ya! Nailed momming that weekend (Full disclosure: I’m taking way too much credit for Harry’s hard work and my husband’s “I’ve got you” patience and muscle as he gently encouraged him by his side every step of the way. I mainly stood on the side feeling as if I was due a cover shoot on “awesome mom” magazine).

We didn’t do it for him. We didn’t coddle him. It took more than a couple of tries so we focused on encouraging progress and learning versus the end result. And in that experience I have reflected on my role as a mentor. Here’s how you might want to start thinking about your role as a powerful champion for the people in your life. And let me say, if you are not helping others, find people and help them, particularly people who might not have the access and network you do. Especially find people who don’t look like you (people of color, different ages, different gender/gender identity) and start connecting.

Don’t solve their problems, but help them find the tools to solve things themselves (and cheer them on). I have a coworker that I adore and who was taking on a new project. She was terrified of making a mistake and not sure how to get started. I had a clear sense of the vision for the work, but instead of doing it for her, I spent more time giving her space to talk it out and brainstorm and make it her own. I gave her templates and access to my network so she could also bounce ideas off of other people to learn as much as possible. And in the end she launched her project with such an amazing result. I am not her manager and we're not even on the same team, but investing that time in helping her build out her plan was still a highlight for me that year. And the next time she faces something unknown and scary, she’s got skills, a network and experience in her toolkit to make things happen.

Set the intention that the relationship is a balanced, two way street. Learn from them, and show them how much they give to you. I never feel good being a sole receiver of attention and praise. I know. I need to work on it. But I’ve learned to try to make the people I’m helping know they are equal partners and are helping me too. I make sure to ask them for advice and counsel on things. I ask for their help, even as I am helping them. In some cases, this has literally helped me be a better leader. One time I was mentoring a person new to the firm, and I was focused on getting him up to speed. I decided to ask him to note things that “made no sense” as he began to dig into the process and inevitable paperwork. Little did I know that this list of “what the what?” Turned into a process reengineering project which impacted so many people for the better. I was able to see our workflow through his eyes and eliminate unnecessary steps. Another example was when mentoring a fantastically talented analyst originally from Hong Kong, and deciding to have our meetings at her favorite restaurants in Chinatown. I learned so much from those lunch meetings. I developed a deep appreciation for soup dumplings, as well as learning about a rich, vibrant culture. I’m convinced I got way more from those sessions than she got from me, and I made sure she knew it!

Be real with the person. For the most part, I dismiss praise as being insincere (which you might say is proof of me being a crazy person.) The one exception is if I trust and know the person has my best interests at heart, and that they will tell me to “lose the laugh” or “quit pacing and plant my feet and deliver my talk” or “less babbling, more focus in a meeting”, then I know when that same someone says that I nailed something it’s real and it’s meaningful to me. I try to give my mentees the same treatment. I mean with kindness of course. First I make sure to let them know I want them to be their best selves. Then I make it a practice to do post mortems and deep dives into everyday things and large projects. What worked? What didn’t? How could it have gone easier? What was a miss? What could have driven more impact? What would have made it extraordinary? I try to make the focus in every discussion on the learning, not the delivery of the thing. My focus in praising a person is then on the person’s tenacity, grit, resilience and curiosity. Instead of saying “that event was great!” I’ll say, “people seemed engaged, and I loved the energy in the room, especially because next time you could go even farther to drive more engagement. How might you keep pushing?”

Clearly there are tons of materials and organizations focused on helping you to be a great mentor. Whatever advice you choose to follow, just make a point of getting in the game and lifting others. For my part I have tried to ground my mentoring connections in giving people tools and space to make their own way, to letting them feel my respect and appreciation for what they have to teach and share with me (versus being one-sided), and of course in investing in an authentic series of conversations, where the focus is on learning and improving. Can’t wait to hear about your own stories about champions in your life and career!