Team Development: Practicing the Art of Listening
Listening is vital to learning and connecting as a team. And if I'm busy or “in the zone” I'm terrible at it. But I’ve found that if I apply these two simple practices and go in with the goal of connecting, then I'm all kinds of an awesome listener.
I first realized I had to work at listening in my first year at college. A Quaker college, we lived in an intentional community with consensus at its core. This meant that decisions, large and small, had to be considered and balanced through both the community and individual standpoints. Ever try to make decisions with consensus? It's HARD. REALLY HARD. Impossible if you’re not listening. You have to be open to hearing and incorporating what you hear into your thinking. It took me years to get better at it. Here’s my 5 minute primer to make you an amazing listener.
Ask more questions, talk less. So I am a devotee of StoryCorps. I love their mission. I love their stories. And at the heart of their body of inspiring stories, is a study in the practice of listening. And they want us all to listen more to each other. They have an app and even conversation starters on how to ask great questions so you can listen and connect with impact. Here’s a sampling of some of my favorite questions from their list:
Who has been the most important person in your life? Can you tell me about him or her?
What was the happiest moment of your life? The saddest?
Who has been the biggest influence on your life? What lessons did that person teach you?
Who has been the kindest to you in your life?
What are the most important lessons you’ve learned in life?
What are you proudest of?
How would you like to be remembered?
What does your future hold?
For your great great grandchildren listening to this years from now: is there any wisdom you’d want to pass on to them? What would you want them to know?
I can’t wait to hear what conversations you have!
Yes, And.... I have been lucky enough to participate in corporate training through Second City Works which uses techniques from their improv arm as a foundation. It’s lots of fun and interactive which is always a plus. We did an improv exercise with a partner to try to get us to focus on listening (and avoid the trap of tuning the person out as you prepare what you’re going to say).
It was simple and challenging. Listen thoroughly to the person. When they are done, say “Yes And” to build on what they are saying. I have caught myself saying “Yes But” in a conversation which completely cuts down the impact of the person’s idea. Here's what I mean.
Janet: Jennie, the team is burnt out and in need of a reboot. We’re swamped and behind in our work, but I think the team could use leadership and communications training.
Not Listening Jennie: Yes, but we don’t have the budget or time to do it, so let’s focus on the work for now to catch up and revisit another time.
--or--
Listening Jennie: Yes, and to help address the funding, maybe we could ask someone from our management team to help run it. And what if we tried to do it in smaller sessions so we can stay focused on work and still carve out time for the professional development for the team? Let's keep talking about it to see how we can address the issues you raise.
See what I did there? It is amazing to me how powerful and impactful “Yes And” can be. And even if that example seems contrived I promise you the results are very real in practice.
So, go forth and conquer by giving your attention, empathy and energy into connecting and understanding your friends and colleagues. And of course, please do share your own tricks and tips for being a great listener!
