Starting the year inspired by Michelle Obama
I adored Michelle Obama’s autobiography Becoming. And there’s tons I want to reflect on. But what I’m contemplating today is in her very first chapter—the beginning story of her childhood. And the wonderful, complex relationship she had with her Great Aunt Robbie. Hopefully you have a person from your childhood who challenged you and pushed you. Or maybe a mentor in your career who believed in you even when you are full of self doubt. It makes me think of my own role as a parent, friend and mentor.
Meet Michelle and Robbie. To set the stage, Great Aunt Robbie is Michelle's mother’s aunt. A stately and formal lady. Strong willed. Owned a duplex on the Southside of Chicago and lived on the ground floor with her husband. Michelle’s family of 4 lived upstairs. She is the neighborhood classically trained musician who gives piano and choir lessons. Michelle Obama took piano lessons as a young girl from her formal, exacting Great Aunt Robbie. In Robbie’s mind there was a right way to approach something (her way) and a wrong way (not her way.) She had high standards. Young Michelle started lessons as a 4 year old. She started by following the rules, but quickly got excited to reach beyond her level when playing and jumped into the back pages of her lesson book out of order. She and Robbie were both strong willed in their opposing views on how to approach studying piano and often fell into conflict. Her parents amazingly didn’t try to suppress Michelle’s curiousity and self confidence . This is an extremely remarkable fact. What’s more, despite the thorny relationship, Michelle looks back on Robbie with love and gratitude. Here’s what I noticed.
High standards and clear expectations. Whether someone is 4 or 40, achievement and quality and creating value should be expected of each person. It’s certainly nice that someone shows up, but are they SHOWING UP? Have you ever considered how revolutionary it can be when you not only set a huge goal for a team, but believe they can do it, and envision their success? We should believe people are kind, curious, determined. I remember when I started as a new project team manager on an existing team that had been in a bit of a slump. They were behind on their deliverables, over budget, and feeling as if they were not able to get to the finish line. Frankly management had said as much. The first thing I did was sit down with each individual, and then the team as a whole, and make sure they knew and owned the standards and expectations. I did it in supportive, transparent ways where we held each other accountable and coached each other. The result was we got the project to the finish line and went on to do great things as a team. During our first post mortem, it came out that one of the reasons the team members struggled was that individuals lost their confidence and second guessed themselves, and they heard the message loud and clear that management felt they as a team were “broken.” It’s amazing how much mindset matters to success. By focusing on what is possible and what needed doing, the team was able to get unstuck and perform.
Building habits. Practice, trying, trying some more, and then getting better. That 10,000 hour rule to master something that Malcolm Gladwell talked about is such a good one. Though to be honest the idea of logging 10,000 hours in something seems overwhelming and nothing I’d tackle. But doing something small and then repeating it regularly to form a habit? That sounds more like it. Working with an individual or a team, what rituals, small steps can you take, (then rinse and repeat) to help build muscle? One habit I form when I work with people is to synch up after a meeting or delivery every single time and ask the questions
What went well?
How could we make it extraordinary?
Asking these questions has become a small, but important way that we practice a growth mindset.
Shine bright. I mentioned it before, but I was truly struck by how this strong willed, motivated bright kid must have driven Robbie crazy, and the easy thing to do would be to tamp down on Michelle’s strong sense of self in the name of making it more peaceful for Robbie. How many times do we tell a person to be less of who they are and dim their passion? This is one of those principles that stops me in my tracks. We want to make sure people on our teams are being who they are, but when that causes friction or feels outside the norm of the group, it becomes much harder to protect that light. How can we help the team get comfortable with a person challenging the status quo? What can we do to celebrate a person who is unique and original?
What a gift to have spent time learning more about our former First Lady! I am so inspired by her reflections and insights, and don’t take it for granted. Too often I am heads down for something at work, only to pull up and multitask (e.g. order groceries while listening to a podcast) before running to something for my kids school. I sometimes need to remind myself how consequential mentorship can be. Believing people can do great things- that mindset is truly powerful. Helping model and then reinforce good habits has a lasting impact. And making sure to celebrate a person’s authenticity and uniqueness is something to keep reinforcing. Love having roles models like Michelle Obama!
