Self-Awareness Boost, family edition?
I asked my family what they REALLY (yes really) think about me and....I learned so much about myself and what they need. It started last spring when I heard the HBR Ideacast podcast on the topic of “How to become more self-aware.” I remain inspired by Tasha Eurich’s brilliant book and manifesto "Insight.” I devoured the book and keep an eye out for the topic. I even took the “Insight Quiz” to find out How self-aware are you? with my friend/colleague. (I’m a pleaser.) I decided I wanted to involve my family in my quest for better clarity by learning what they think of me. Here’s what I did (so you can try too) and what I learned.
Start simple: It started with 2 questions for each member of my family.
What do I do well?
What can I improve and work on?
I answered each question based on how I thought each family member would respond and wrote down my responses in a notebook. Then I asked my family if they would be okay honestly answering each question and took notes. Here’s how it went down.
The Conversations. I decided to introduce the topic to my husband via text message. He’s a very easy going guy, but texted back with some loving confusion/questions. I realized that typical me of texting/using my phone was not a great way to kick off meaningful conversations about self-awareness (Ha Ha! I cringe writing it, but this is me and it’s real. In my defense I was on the train on my way to the office and using the time to work on my blog, so…. it made sense from a time management perspective. Ahem!) Once I got home and had a conversation with Jon, it was a great discussion. He is always candid and kind when we talk about important things, and he was real about what he wanted me to work on. I shared my own responses and we more or less aligned on our answers. One of the things to work on and we are totally aligned on it—less time on my phone!
My kids loved being asked. We each had a fun and candid conversation, and they especially liked hearing my answers. In each case, whereas my answers with my husband were almost totally aligned, with the kids their responses came from a totally different angle. When I shared my answers each kid could recognize and appreciate my responses (it wasn’t like I said I’m tall, and they think I am really short.) What I learned about my kids is that they see me and value me by what I help them with (mom helps with my laundry, mom keeps me on track) whereas I listed my affection and love as my “big wins” for each of them. (Or maybe another way of putting it, they see my cooking dinner for them as love. I’m totally in agreement—my chicken soup is love in Le Creuset!)
My Takeaways. Overall I found this simple exercise to yield something really powerful. I enjoyed connecting with each family member and letting them know that I care about improving, and felt close to them as we talked. I also walked away with a sense of purpose and direction on how I can focus myself so I can keep working on being a good mom and partner and friend. Here’s my list (in no order).
Less phone time. Get engaged.
My family enjoys it when I do fun things with them. Get on the bike. Walk in the park. Play a game.
Take care of myself. Make yummy and healthy food. Everyone likes my cooking!
Work on my stress level and take a breath if I’m frustrated or crabby.
I would highly recommend you try a version of this with your friends and family. It was a really meaningful experience and I plan on continuing to find ways to keep the lines of communication going.
