Breaking out of the “busy” trap
Lisa McCarthy, CEO of FastForward Group and all around powerful woman and change agent gave a great talk last year about setting your intention and vision at the Makers 2018 Conference. She told a story about how she had an “aha moment” in her life when she realized that she was projecting herself as an extremely busy person (and missing the good stuff). I am not doing her telling justice so seriously watch it and you’ll see. There’s also the bonus of a vision exercise which is a very powerful tool.
Ever meet a stressed out busy person? Not only are they only talking about themselves as crazy busy, they book themselves jam packed in back-to-back meetings running ragged.
They show up unprepared. They check their phone (or laptop) while they are with you. They give you an extremely long list of all the things they are on the hook for (and not at all focused on the moment at hand.) For some of these people, I have come to learn that their self-worth is tied to being tied to too many things.
The result is they are often unprepared, distracted (from multitasking) and hyper focused on their lack of time. Imagine you decided to replace busy with engaged? I’m not saying I’m 100% or even 50% there, but being engaged is what I strive for in my work and my life. Here’s how I’ve broken out of the “busy” trap.
Mindset. The first thing I start with is setting my intention. In my case, I think about being present, prepared and engaged. I don’t talk about how busy I am. I talk about what I’m doing that excites me. I learned this from my dear friend and fellow working mom Josanne Lopez. When we get together we clear time and get right to the essence of whatever topic is on our minds. Josanne owns and runs her own business, so could easily get side-tracked by the news cycle or client questions. But she sets the world aside and focuses on being engaged with me. She makes me feel that I am important to her because of the attention and energy she shares with me when we’re together. Whatever mindset you choose, own it and be clear on your intention.
Priorities. I don’t try to do it all. My schedule is not jammed with meetings all day. I block time to think and reflect and produce. I will admit I can’t get to everything. And I have many moments of scheduling challenges given the multiple calendars and priorities of those in my circle. I take turns with my husband going to school events. I try to go when I can. Despite the opportunity for “facetime” I don’t need to be at every meeting, particularly if my boss or colleague has it covered. I am honest about my limitations. My hero Tiffany Dufu wrote a great book called Drop the Ball where she talks about this very concept. There is a myth that “other” people can do it all, and it’s just that, a myth. Be clear on what matters to you, your colleagues and your loved ones, and prioritize accordingly.
Prepare to be present. If I’m going to do things that matter to me or my colleagues or my family, I don’t wing it when I show up. I look at what’s ahead and study and research and prepare. So when I’m there I am 100% ready and present. If my daughter has a sleepover, I plan to have her favorite meal or a game for them to play. If I’m chairing a meeting, I put in the research, and even practice to make sure I get the most out of that session. I sit with friends at lunch and leave my phone in my purse. I have learned a ton about this disciplined approach from my boss Kara Underwood. She makes connecting with people a priority and puts in the work to be present for people. Kara does her homework before a meeting, and afterwards stays connected to the person, thinking of them and sharing advice, expertise and kindness.
In this world where we’re faced with “24/7 always on” connectivity, the trap we all can fall into is tying our self-worth to being “in demand” and losing focus on what we really care about. Instead of loading up your calendar with to-dos and telling everyone you see how “crazy” things are, how about focusing on something more meaningful of your own choosing? In my case I set my intention on being engaged. I pick and choose what I can and can’t accomplish by prioritizing on what matters to me and my loved ones and colleagues. And then I work very hard to prepare to be engaged when I show up. I’m not perfect. I still have lots of work to do to improve, but I am so much happier and motivated through this focus.
