Leaders: Candor as kindness

Have you ever held back for fear of damaging the relationship? Or conversely, have you given someone feedback and noticed a rift? There are perils, sure. Yet the benefits of candor done right are many. We gain self awareness, support a culture of learning, help others be their best selves. It also can build trust and safety—creating an environment which fosters innovation and risk taking

When you aren’t feeling your best. I’m a pretty direct person. I try to say what I mean, and it’s often from a place of investment in a person or idea to make it better. That said, I have my off days. Too little sleep. Not enough time. I want to get to it and move on. This makes the idea of being real and being kind more crucial to consider. I must have heard a podcast at some point with Dax Sheppard and/or Kristen Bell sharing wisdom from their therapist. The nugget went something like this. “Honesty without kindness is cruelty.”

When you care about a person or idea, and still hold back. What is holding you back? To be fair, not every observation or piece of constructive feedback merits voicing. Some things aren’t that big a deal and can become a distraction. But if the person missed a critical point or cue, and you see potential in the person or idea, why are you hesitant to invest? Sometimes it’s because of trust. You don’t have a solid connection with the person. It also can be stressful to share feedback—what if they reject you?

Embrace candor with good intentions. Kim Scott’s book and blog are excellent resources to start with. Given how tricky it can be to share feedback, when you do it or someone shares insights with you, what if you pushed aside the sting or fear, and thought about it as a kindness or gift? Kim’s site says it with flair:

Radical Candor™ is Caring Personally while Challenging Directly. 
It’s guidance that’s kind and clear, specific and sincere.