Grit: Born with it or learned?
I have often heard people speak about resilience as if it's something you either have or you don't. This myth of "born with it" is one of my pet peeves. The science is clear. Resilience is a muscle. And if we use it, nurture it, and celebrate it, it will strengthen. Here's how I've seen it in action.
Both my kids are a part of this amazing community of Brooklyn families, the Prospect Park Youth Running Club. This club is incredible. The coaches are all volunteers and committed to helping the kids be their best. The kids are genuinely terrific kids, some even champions in their age groups. Some national record holders. My kids have been a part of the team for nearly 2 years now. We started out with little knowledge of running or being a part of a club, going on the suggestion of a friend who was also joining. The kids run @ 4 times a week; 2 times in practice, one in meets, and 1 on their own
The first week of practice they went to the park and were asked to run for 2 hours. They came home and explained this was not at all what they signed up for and wanted to quit. Their first race came shortly after. We schlepped to the Bronx on a hot Sunday morning, took the long way to find the spot at Van Cortland Park, and the kids nervously lined up for their cross country (2000m) race. My son raced with his whole heart. And finished (amazing!) nearly last. It was his first race. He was heart-broken. For him then, the reason to run was to win the race. And on this team of champions, especially so new to the sport, winning would be a very hard thing to do.
Still, despite the grumbling, they kept at it, even as other friends dropped it. And Harry continues to give so much heart to his running. One of my proudest moments was last weekend on Saturday at a charity meet in Prospect Park. Harry and Leah were running a 5K. It was pouring rain and miserable. I was miserable and I was just standing there! Harry started out strong, but got shoved by another runner and fell and banged up both his knees at the start. He planned to run with his buddies and because of his fall they were way ahead, out of reach. At this moment, he made a choice to get up, put one foot in front of the other and run like crazy, and push through on sore knees and disappointment of this not being the easy 5K with his buddies. This pic is of him crossing the finish line. He got a personal best in a 5K despite the tough start. And I was a very proud mom. Not only because of him doing something great like getting a personal best, but thriving even though it wasn't easy.
I don't know if he realizes how wonderful his grit is. I see it as something really important and precious, that I want to nurture and celebrate. Getting up after a fall for me is way more important than finishing first when things are easy. And when I look at the coworkers who I love to work with, scrappy and gritty are my people. We ask ourselves not, "wasn't I great," but "this was tough, or unexpected and here's what I did and how I will do better next time. Here's what I learned." I love those weirdos!
So. Grit is a muscle. It needs to be conditioned and trained. Enough of "That was great!" We as coaches and mentors should help others (with empathy) find the lesson and wonder in the effort to be better and learn. We should stop trying to congratulate each other on being mediocre, but pretending we're great. We should be clear on what we can learn, and keep pushing to get better. It's in the learning and the journey that there is greatness. So thank you to Harry and Leah for being my inspiration. It's not easy. So proud of you both as you keep pushing to get better. And try to get a good night's sleep for your next meet!
