Gratitude and paying it forward
I start each day meditating to these words: thank you. I think of the people, opportunities and lessons I have experienced. We all have peaks and valleys in our lives—some people seem to have a heavier weight to bear than seems fair to me. And then I go about my day, and try to give energy to others which contributes to their peaks, good experiences and lessons. Here are some loosely connected thoughts on how I embrace gratitude and strive to pay it forward.
Classy. Recently, I had a girls weekend and had grown up sippy cups (classy thermos wine cups with lids) made for each of us with the slogan: be the reason someone smiles today. I thought a lot about which slogan to choose and decided this was the best choice for our circle and our zeitgeist. It takes strength in good and bad times to help people feel joy and hope. To smile. It sounds simple and maybe a bit trite, but smiling more changes your brain in a good way. My daughter, deep in the tween phase, groans that “mom you’re so embarrassing!” as I make this an everyday occurrence. Recently I made some silly jokes and offered to help carry things for a mom who looked frazzled with her baby and stuffed bags full of baby gear. The mom and I both cracked up at Leah’s comment. And I turned to Leah and said, “wait until I put some muscle into embarrassing you!” And she started laughing too.
Candy curation. This most recent Halloween I was handing out candy to the hundreds (no exaggeration) of kids who flock to our neighborhood and made a point not only of giving each kid delicious sweets, but pouring my energy and warmth into each family so that they know they are welcome on my stoop and they feel kindness and love from me. A curmudgeonly stranger walked past, grumbled that his mother used to live around here, and complained “where do all these kids come from?” (As if to say they don’t belong here) and I replied with a big smile, isn’t it wonderful? And I meant it. He nodded and then moved on, probably thinking I’m a lunatic (which I am). And then I went right back to enjoying the families. My husband is so into the annual tradition that he makes sure he chooses the coolest candy (fun dips, pixie sticks, and so much more) and gets a kick out of it when kids go bonkers over some of the unique candies he hands out. We are grateful to these families for choosing our block to visit. We love our community, and so enjoyed having people share their night with us, even for a brief moment.
Make it count. I am normally not a hippie dippy peace and love girl, though I certainly want peace and love for myself and everyone. I’m decidedly more square than that. But lately I have felt more and more that the single best thing I can do is spend time with people, listen to them, and let them know I see and value their worth. That I am grateful for them as people spending time with me and being present. Time is my biggest gift to give to someone. And their time in turn is their greatest gift to me.
Grit is a muscle. Sometimes my kids have a tough day. They don’t beat their best time in track. They may not get a new skill or lesson as quickly as they’d like. Someone might hurt their feelings. I hate to see them sad, but I’ve learned to be grateful for those moments of difficulty as well. Because I can be there for them now, and can watch and encourage them to dust off and keep going. And one day I won’t be there when something goes left instead of right. And something always goes sideways. I know that they will have the strength to try again. And hopefully also have the empathy to recognize when someone else needs warmth and support- and give it.
Starting with something as pure and beautiful as gratitude has completely changed how I live my life and engage with the world. As a teenager I struggled with depression, and even those experiences I’ve learned from with gratitude. Because I know what it’s like to feel lonely and scared, I live my life with a sense of context and comfort. I accept I am far from perfect. And I try to laugh at myself with others. Most days I face setbacks, but can bounce back. Are you the reason someone smiled today? If not make it happen. And reflect on that person or experience that gave you a moment of grace or levity today, and make sure you stop and smell that rose!
