Career Coach: When you don’t get the recognition you deserve
At my company, on the same day each year, promotions and compensation are communicated to each employee. This is a wonderful, exciting day when we can celebrate and acknowledge outstanding team members who delivered truly exceptional results. It’s also nerve-wracking when you learn your salary increase and bonus (or the absence thereof). As one can imagine, not every year is a banner year for a company, team or individual so there are highs and lows on this day. This week’s post is for those times when you gave it your all, swung and performed at peak level over and over again, but didn’t get the fancy title, or that salary bump that you feel recognizes your achievements. Having been through it myself and commiserating with dear colleagues, I have experienced it first hand. How can we regroup and focus on continuing to make progress over the long, thorny path our career takes us?
Don’t detract from other’s glory. I know this seems obvious. And I also know we all have stories about why someone did or did not deserve whatever they got. But the reality is when in doubt, put those thoughts aside, and let the day be about the good news and contribute positive energy to the person who does have something wonderful to celebrate. Or if you feel strongly, at the very least just hang back a little and let the person shine. I once had a time when my peer was promoted and I wasn’t, and I was a bit disappointed that I missed out (hey I’m human!) but I was genuinely proud of my buddy. I saw in her eyes that she felt guilty when she told me and that snapped me out of it. She’s awesome and I wanted her to know it! I was able to re-set and spent the day making sure she knew how wonderful she is. I would have really regretted it if I took away from her happiness. We often have so much to get done in the day to day, make sure you don’t miss out on cheering for people’s wins and achievements. And conversely, if you have a friend who is feeling down, give them lots of love and help them know you see and value them.
Take stock of your wins. While it’s fresh in your mind, spend time over the next next weekend documenting your major contributions, achievements, wins, or whatever. What are you most proud of? How are you known? What should you keep doing? I mean it when I say document the wins. Write it down. Talk about it to friends and supportive colleagues. Not all the time because that would be crazy. But at least once. Allow yourself to feel proud of what you did. The impact of this exercise is twofold. First, it helps you codify the accomplishments and value you delivered (which can serve as good content for an updated resume by the way), but second, it helps you build a narrative about your work. Many times when a person misses out on something they felt they were within reach of getting, the reality is not enough people were aware of your contributions. This leads me to the next step. Ask yourself...
Who are your sponsors? I don’t recommend walking up to every senior person and spouting off random facts about yourself. But I do recommend getting to know key decision makers over time, and finding ways that you can use your superpowers to help them and their teams. Overtime, you can throw in “we just nailed the most exciting thing, and thank you for your support and advice.” This happened for me by accident once because I was so flipping excited to be on the team, I wanted to be helpful to everyone! It was just bursting out of me to make sure not just I nailed something, but everyone who worked for my boss and heck even my boss’s colleagues. I loved my job that much. I mentored people. Helped them learn how to use new technology, helped them prepare presentations for big talks, helped them frame their talks. And pretty soon I realized I had built up unintentionally a wonderful group of appreciative sponsors. I didn’t have to speak for myself, because they did it for me.
Boost your self-awareness. Find out from trusted advisors and even distant, but direct people in power why you were passed over. Sometimes honestly there isn’t a really good tangible reason. But sometimes there is a real thing you need to improve or stop doing. As a matter of course, try to ask for feedback all the time. Some people (okay most people) hate giving constructive feedback. So one way I’ve gotten around that is to ask the question after a meeting or a delivery of something I’ve worked on: what would have made it extraordinary? What should I do more of? What should I do less of? These questions ground a person and depersonalize the perceived fear of appearing critical.
Is this the right place for you? I have worked at places that started off great and after a change in manager suddenly it stopped being great. Or maybe the new project is just not your cup of tea. Or you have been doing it so long you’re starting to get bored. What more can you do? If you feel like you’ve hit a brick wall, maybe you need to stop trying to scale the wall and find another path. For me I focus less on moving away from something, but more on at least directionally what is thrilling or super compelling—and I start exploring those areas. The reality is by jumping into another project or starting at a new company, sure you might have to slow down while you learn and prove yourself again, but there are probably a lot more chances for people to notice and appreciate your new fresh perspectives.
Have an action plan with your lessons learned. Once you’ve reflected on the above, the most important thing is to put those learnings into a plan of attack. I always recommend creating a simple framework to help me focus.
Intention: What am I excited about? If I’m doing something I like, how can I show my excitement and help others? If I’m not loving what I’m doing, how can I move towards what I want to be doing?
Skill building: Based on what I learned and what I want, what do I need to learn, change, adapt, etc? Who knows how to do this/does it well that I can learn from? What training is out there?
Change: What new things will I start doing to support my intention and skill building? What should I stop doing which is slowing me down or derailing me?
Then I find a buddy or friend who can help me objectively assess whether my plan makes sense, and then hold me accountable for working it. Some people form career peer coaching circles, or you might have a mentor, manager or friend play the role. The point is to have someone who believes in you and who will be supportive in helping you reach your goals.
We all have setbacks in our careers. Take time to grieve and work through your frustration, but also use it as an opportunity to get clarity and focus. And most of all, don’t get too wrapped up in your own struggles if you can. Make sure to be present for colleagues who have cause for celebrating, or who might also need your support.
