My mentoring playbook
I have been mentored by some incredibly talented leaders, colleagues and bosses who have made such a huge impact in my life and career. As such, I try to say yes when someone asks me to support them as a mentor, even with my rather loaded dance card. Here’s how I like to approach a mentoring relationship for a fulfilling, impactful partnership.
Start with the why. I like to think and dream big, so knowing where something is going, or what is behind the need makes for a more meaningful set of connections. Recently I skipped this step with one mentee, was so super pumped about her talents, that I started pushing her out of her comfort zone in terms of career acceleration, and she left feeling overwhelmed and stuck. Big fail on my part. When we got together again I pulled back and listened to understand her why. (And notice my why questions don’t use the word why—ha ha!)
What are you trying to achieve?
What’s your biggest obstacle you’re trying to overcome?
What’s something you dream of doing one day?
Radical Candor. (With all the love and respect to Kim Scott) People need feedback to get better and address blindspots. Build the foundations in the relationship to get used to kindly offered feedback, suggestions, and questions. And this should go two ways. The mentee who I mentioned earlier flat out told me I was pushing her towards something she didn’t feel ready or motivated (yet) to pursue. She was clear, she was kind, and she expressed directly what she thought and needed. I loved it.
How can we get to know each other on a human level and build trust?
How can we show each other we are listening to each other? What can we do if we feel misunderstood or unclear?
How can we reflect on and discuss what’s effective and what can be improved in our mentor/mentee relationship?
The mentee is the driver. As a mentee, I should expect to be the “project manager” of the mentoring engagement. I should be responsible for scheduling the sessions. Tracking follow up, and doing the work to make the discussions as productive as possible. As a mentor I come in reflecting on what was last covered, ready to listen and partner, and open to adjusting and adapting to my mentee’s questions and needs.
How often should we meet?
How should we communicate / share information so we can collaborate productively?
What kind of feedback loop or transparency do we need on “work in progress” or follow up items from the discussion?
With these 3 fundamentals in place, I have greatly enjoyed mentoring partnerships. It’s simple and allows for adaptation and changing needs. Most importantly, take the time to share how the advice, feedback or investment of time has made a difference for you. More than anything, mentors believe in you and want to see you thrive, so sharing the impact makes it all worthwhile. And for the mentors, be kind, be engaged and spend the time helping people be who they are meant to be!
