Insights from my 10 and 12 year old kids
Another school year in the books, and I’m getting ready for my PhD in “How to pack for sleep away camp.” As I feel nostalgic for those moments long ago of my babies who are “NOT babies, mom!” I asked them what advice they’d share with younger kids who are starting out in school. We had a great discussion. I listened, logged and then reflected upon their insights.
Pay attention to the little things. My daughter is someone who puts in the work at school. Big concert in several months? She will not only practice her cello, but listen to the pieces, watch other orchestra performances on YouTube and sing her part at breakfast (which drives her brother crazy!) She makes a study of immersing herself and even losing herself in a topic that matters to her. And I love this piece of advice she gave given that approach she takes. She shared this insight when talking about being present in class. She sometimes can space out when sitting for too long, so this intention of “pay attention to little things” is super moving to me. Given how crazy busy we all get, how can this seemingly simple insight add depth and meaning to our work?
Ask for help even if you’re nervous. I just heard a talk at a TED Salon about asking for help. Bottom line, people hate doing it, but it’s critical for colleagues to ask, ask in the right way, make it easy for the help to happen, and follow up with gratitude, conveying impact. So my daughter’s advice to ask for help really resonates. And knowing her personality (as a toddler her anthem was “I do self!!!”) I love that this is something she listed as advice. What also struck me was the second part of her statement, “even if you’re nervous.” Middle schoolers to working adults all know it’s scary to ask for help. What if someone judges us for needing it? What if we embarrass ourselves somehow? At the heart is vulnerability and maybe even shame. Even at school, a place where you are poised to learn—it is literally a culture of learning— people can be nervous about saying they don’t know something. This is doubly true at the office, where we are paid to be experts. How do we make it safe for people to embrace learning, asking questions and raising their hand when they need help?
Branch out of your core group of friends. Sit with new people. This was a surprise piece of advice from my daughter. She can be shy. She has a book at all times— case in point? Once she was “lost” at pickup time, and was found in the corner of the library reading. So her saying to branch out sounded odd to me. (Then she followed with “sitting with new people makes it easier to focus on the lesson, keeps you from getting distracted.” That sounded about right. Ha!). But the insight is still foundational. It speaks to networking, breaking out of the trap of cliques, and inclusion. I love it. And it also lends itself to asking for (and giving) help.
Try to go with the flow. This nugget was from my son, who is the kid most other kids are happy to pair up with and partner on something. He is upbeat, curious and above all, collaborative. Sure he has strong opinions about topics—give him 5 minutes and he will fill you in on all things Marvel. But he is a person who notices and engages as he is working on something with a friend. He knows how to bridge the gap between friends who may not like each other. There is huge value in being able to team effectively. That means actively listening, staying curious, giving empathy and being kind. Going with the flow for my son often entails letting others be who they are. If someone like his sibling gets upset, my son will choose his battles and wait until things are calmer. When I started writing this post I didn’t know what to expect. My kids shared some wonderful ideas and we had a fun discussion about how they see the world. Most of all, it’s refreshing to pause and reflect on simple truths which get lost in our race to get things done. I hope you also get to pause and ask the little ones in your life what advice they have and what lessons they have found helpful.
