Conflict Resolution: Breaking out of the back channeling trap
Back channeling happens when a manager or colleague sees their role as controlling the flow of information. Some people want to control the message —often times with great intentions even.
It’s defined as: to communicate or take part in discussions in a way that is not direct or made public.
Simply put if you want to be the keeper of information, and use sidebars and pre and post meetings to convey limited hits of info on a “need to know basis”, then chances are you are driving your team and colleagues crazy. It kills morale, trust, culture, you name it. Here is some food for thought on how to build a more transparent working style and become the super hero of communication and trust.
Level the playing field. Loyalty is great. Rewarding good work from an individual or team is fabulous. But if you secretly have a favorite person or group? Well, first it’s not a secret to your team and second it’s not helping the rest of your team perform to have favorites. It also is a breeding ground for back channeling by unintentionally creating an environment of exclusivity which will have all kinds of other negative impacts. Here’s what a level playing field looks like. I worked for a senior executive who was an absolute pillar of treating everyone as if their contributions mattered. We all knew and felt as if we had a shot at not only doing great work, but of being recognized. And if something wasn’t going well, we trusted that he had our back. He made himself available to the whole team. He was incredibly even in how he communicated assignments and results. He went out of his way to have small group, open sessions to get to know people, and gave everyone a chance to speak and connect.
Handling conflict. When people get together misalignment or miscommunication can happen. How you handle it is everything. I remember one team meeting where colleagues started joking about something, and the joke went too far. People were uncomfortable. You felt it in the room. What happened next? Well one colleague complained to another about a third colleague who was the “offensive joker” (versus giving direct feedback.) Things were awkward. I decided to address it head on and called a meeting ASAP, and gave each of us individually a chance to talk about what happened, and also share how we felt. I asked our team to commit to being inclusive and asked for feedback and ideas on how we could do better. And we all shared ideas. And grew closer because of the raw honesty and trust in that room. We also felt connected to one another. What are you doing to create an inclusive culture?
Be the same person in public and private. My joke to people is with me there is no subtext, only text. And I much prefer working for a manager who is open and honest with little fanfare. It means they trust me, and want our team to operate in a trusting, candid way. I work on trying to be someone who is an even-handed, fair leader. I strive to create working relationships where there are no surprises, and people feel supported. We don’t have meetings about meetings. We have an issue? We just tell them. And we are timely and forthright and respectful about it. There aren’t 2 versions of my opinion. There is just what I think and feel.
It matters. Years ago I remember how demoralized my mentee on another team was when she shared how she had to have 6 individual and group discussions to get to the bottom of an issue she was facing. Every discussion was another layer or half truth. She felt depleted and anxious. In the end she was frustrated about the lack of transparency and she decided to leave. Eventually she moved over to my team, and was an incredible addition. Later, she remarked how much easier it was to operate with the simplicity of open dialogue with minimal fanfare. And our team thrived thanks to her talents.
