Career: Turning down a job
You went on interviews, invested time in learning about the role, getting to know the team. They make an offer. You think about it. Sleep on it. And ultimately decide you don’t want to make the move. Why and how you turn down that role matters. Here’s some hard earned lessons.
But first... you might be asking yourself, seriously Jennie, I’m just busting my fanny trying to get an offer. I’m lucky to even get an interview. This doesn’t relate to me at all. Okay. Fair enough. But we have to turn people down all the time, be it a project assignment, task or even a volunteer gig. The same rules apply each and every time.
Best honest with yourself about why. Your spidey sense is tickling your subconscious. Try to dig into what your gut is telling you. Or maybe you’re tapped out and worry about taking on something new. The timing is wrong. List out the pros and cons. Be clear on your fears and road blocks. One time I was offered a role and had concerns about the pace of the recruiting process—literally went from a 15 minute conversation to an offer at the end. My antenna went up. I mean I’m cool, but not THAT cool. My gut said the bonkers timing was a red flag. So I listened to my gut, analyzed what I needed and felt, and was clear on my rationale.
Be grateful. Someone thinks you’re amazing? Believes in your potential? Soak that up. It doesn’t happen everyday. Let people know your appreciation and be humble about it. I once was sought out by an old boss to work on an exciting new, thorny project. I was really floored by even being considered. Not only was I excited that the old gang still remembered me fondly, but I was touched they saw potential in me. I made a point of letting them know and see how much that meant to me.
When saying no, be clear. Not just that you can’t say yes, but on why you’re not the right fit for the opportunity. I once wrote a multi-paragraph email to someone entitled “don’t hire me because...” with complete sincerity. I listed all the things I thought were a barrier to me to crushing it. It wasn’t humble brag stuff like “I work too hard!” either. I had another time when I felt someone else was made for the job versus me. It literally kept me up all night. I knew I wasn’t right for it. So I swallowed my pride and nervousness and said it. They ended up going with my recommendation in a way that worked for them, and that person is doing a wonderful job to this day in the role
Keep working on the bridge. So hopefully through self-awareness, gratitude and clarity, you haven’t burned a bridge with the person you’re delivering your message to. Don’t forget to keep maintaining the bridge. Reconnect with the person from time to time to check in and let them know you’re rooting for them. Send ideas, contacts and encouragement. This one is incredibly hard for me. Not only do I feel guilty, but my schedule and introverted temperament scream for me to read a book versus grab a coffee. But the investment is worth it.
Time to go forth and make hard, but right decisions about your career. Ground yourself in being clear on your rationale, and remember to appreciate the nod of confidence. These things don’t happen everyday so don’t lose sight of the incredible opportunity in front of you. With that in mind, communicate with candor and care your decision. And try to stay connected if you can to the people who have offered to invest in you.
