Career Coach: Asking for help
It’s way more comfortable for me to know how to do something and get it done than to ask for help. In some ways I think it’s how I am wired. I was always a kid who had a sense of competence and purpose. I see it in my own kids. When they were little they would reject my offers to show them how to do something. “I do self!” was a refrain from my daughter when she was 3. And I really enjoy helping people. It fuels my can-do sense of self and just feels more comfortable.
But really am I that special? Probably not. I think most people prefer to know how to do something than bother or burden someone who is probably already busy. And the reality is nestled in my “confidence” is a turning away from continuous learning and improving. It closes me off to collaboration and new approaches. So, with that in mind I’ve made conscious decisions to begin to not only asking for help on something I don’t know how to do at all, but reaching out to collaborate on something that I have “in the bag” so to speak. Here’s how I’ve approached it.
Ask for help already. Or simply put, what is holding you back from raising your hand? Are you worried about being judged? Or perhaps feel guilty for adding to someone’s load? Maybe your ego doesn’t like the idea of you looking vulnerable? Whatever the barrier, ponder it and explore it—but not too long. For me it is such a load off once I learned to let go and own what I need. And the idea of asking is always a million times more scary than the actual experience.
Make it easy for someone to help you. So you want to learn how to change that tire, or use a new application. Do your homework. Come with the supplies and entitlements or whatever you need in advance. Be clear on the ask. Make sure it’s a reasonable request with clear instructions.
Recognize the contribution and impact. If you can shine a light on the contribution, then do it. But most importantly, be clear on what the persons investment in you means, and tell them. And don’t wait forever to do it. The immediacy of gratitude matters. It’s also important to not just be thankful to your helper, but take time to think through for yourself what you learned and how it’s changed you and your thinking.
Pay it forward. The more generous we are, the better. Just full stop. Let people know you are available and delighted to be of service. And then just be helpful.
At the heart of asking for help is a sense of trusting in your team and investing in learning. No matter where you are in your mastery or knowledge, spending time with someone can help push your thinking and learning further. Have fun tackling challenges large and small, and connecting to the community and experts all around us.
